Parenting is an amazing experience.
The responsibility of another life in your care is the greatest blessing one could ever hope for, and the love we feel for our kids is incomparable.
But. Parenting. Is. HARD.
Don’t get me wrong, I live for my kids. They are funny and adorable, sweet and loving, and they teach me something new every day. As a single parent, I have all the great stuff to myself. I get to enjoy all the laughs, be there for all the firsts, and share all their victories firsthand.
It’s truly an honor to be the first one they go to when they need help, when they’re hurt, sad or angry. It makes me feel like I have purpose and that I’m doing something right when I catch them doing or saying something that I’ve taught them.
It’s an incredible gift.
It’s also a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week, 365 day a year job, and you’re always on call. You basically have to be ready for anything. Kids are unpredictable, and they do things you would never expect. But you learn to roll with it somehow.
I had no idea the level of intense love I could feel until I held my first born in my arms. It feels like your heart might explode, it’s so full of love. It’s a level of joy you never knew you were capable of feeling, yet it feels so familiar; like it’s been within you all along. I felt like I’d known him all my life. I effortlessly changed my entire outlook on life in order to best suit this perfect, tiny human I had just been blessed with.
It’s easy, though, to forget all this when your kids are pissing you off. It’s hard to remember the heart bursting love and the deep sense of joy when they’re doing what you’ve told them not to for the 1,000th time. We fail to see the love they possess for us when it seems like their mission in life is to drive us insane.
But, in the midst of the drama we are not ourselves, and neither are they. If we remind ourselves of that, it gets easier.
Here are a few of the things I’ve learned that helped me become a better parent:
You Can’t Run on Empty Forever
For years longer than I care to admit, I took care of everyone around me while sorely neglecting myself. I worked hard, didn’t eat or sleep enough, and pumped myself full of caffeine and sugar to get through the day.
I had the idea that I was being a better mom if I left my own needs for last, which I never ended up having time for.
Thankfully, I eventually realized that treating myself better wouldn’t just benefit me but my kids as well, since they would be getting a better, healthier, happier version of mom.
Learning to treat myself as well as I treat my kids has made me more present and more effective at handling my responsibilities as a mom, not to mention more content with life!
Stop and Breathe
You know that moment when something happens and you react immediately, later regretting how you handled it?
BREATHE.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve let something get under my skin that wasn’t that big of a deal, simply because I didn’t stop and think for a moment (and not just when dealing with my kids, either).
9 times out of 10 the issue is a lot smaller than our initial reaction tells us, and worthy of a quick think through before we lose our temper.
When something irritates or otherwise triggers you, STOP. Count to 10, take a few deep breaths, or just excuse yourself for a minute.
You’ll see after practicing this for a while it gets easier, and you’ll find you’re able to handle things more calmly in the long run.
Perfection is an Illusion
We all have the image of the perfect life in our heads: the spotless house with the well-behaved kids, beautiful, happy parents and the dog quietly lying in his bed.
However.
Real life is a lot messier, and the faster we learn to accept this, the better off we’ll be. We all do our best to portray the image of having a great life, but what others think is less important than our connection with our loved ones (and ourselves).
When it comes down to choosing between spending time with my kids or doing that last load of laundry? The kids win.
Small moments of devoted attention are what our kids remember and cherish the most. The chores will wait.
Love is Everything
We’ve all been guilty of feeling like less than perfect parents, but we should try be kinder to ourselves when that guilt rears its ugly head.
How many times we’ve done something wrong or wished we could have done more pales in comparison to the amount of love we give to our kids, and love trumps all.
Not the amount of money we’re able to spend on toys or video games, or the family vacations we wish we had the time for.
They thrive when they feel safe, loved, and important. All that other stuff is just bonus material.
We are here to teach, guide, protect, and most of all, to love our children. They were gifted to us for a very specific reason, matched perfectly with us for a purpose. We may never know what that reason or purpose is, and that’s ok! Just love them. Cherish and adore them. Show them how important they are, not only to you, but to themselves and to the world.
If more parents set aside worrying over the small stuff to focus on loving and enjoying their kids, the world would be full of happy, well-adjusted people. They are our contribution to the world, so help them to be the best versions of themselves by being the best version of you!